The Mouse In The Can

Today marks the 68^th Anniversary of the japanese sneak attack on Pearl Harbor in 1941 when they started America’s involvement in World War II. Historians say that 418,500 Americans died over the next four years. The National Archives maintains an honor roll of their names at http://www.archives.gov/research/arc/ww2/ . The dates of August 6^th and August 9^th, 1945, mark the end of Japanese involvement in that war.

Sunday Ginny and I enjoyed lunch at Crabby Ben’s, a favorite seafood place.

Waiting for our order, we observed a seascape picture on the wall and a pelican on a pilling ornament outside our window. These decorations got us to talking about nautical things and Ginny reminded me of a bit of devilment I got into years ago.

Yes, although I carry the reputation of a serious, solemn Christian gentleman, at heart I’m a prankish wag.

During the 1980s I worked at the Florida Times-Union as a sort of mail clerk who could be blamed for a lot of things that can go wrong at a newspaper. Knowing I was a Christian, editors and reporters alike teased me by calling me a rabid fundamentalist. I accepted the nickname and used Rabid Fundamentalist as my computer screen name.

At the time, the nine-day wonder news story in Jacksonville involved a man trying to get money from the Coca-Cola company; he claimed to have gotten sick and traumatized when he found a dead mouse inside his can of the soft drink.

Let’s just say the plaintiff’s name was GWPM NCCN.

The Coca-Cola company wheeled out a cadre of lawyers. Their public relations department issued detailed explanations of the bottling process proving that no mouse could ever get in a Coke can at the plant.

GWPM NCCN insisted the touch of dead mouse on his lip as he sipped from the can had ruined him for life and he wanted a cash settlement.

Coke brought in the full CSI Team—independent labs, scientists, forensic pathologists and Dr. Bunsen Honeydew—who performed a detailed autopsy on the dead mouse proving it had not drown in Coca-Cola.

For weeks the newspaper carried almost daily updates on the story. Locally, GWPM NCCN became as famous as Michael Jackson.

Finally, under the pressure of scientific evidence, GWPM NCCN confessed that he had stuffed the dead mouse in the can of Coke himself. He was brought up on charges of product tampering, attempted extortion, fraud, and Lord knows what else.

What does this have to do with me?

Ever notice my avatar, that small photo of me in my website sidebar? It’s a photo of me building a ship in a bottle, one of my hobbies in my younger days when my eyes were stronger:

Well, one Christmas CSX Railroad, the company that owned the newspaper back then, sponsored a craft contest for employees. They set up a big display in the Times-Union lobby.

I can do crafts.

On one side of my exhibit space I displayed a schooner in a bottle—constructed by John W. Cowart, the Rabid Fundamentalist.

For the other side of my exhibit space, I fabricated the forecastle, bowsprit, dolphin striker, rigging, anchors, and jibs of a tiny clipper ship. And I inserted it in a Coca-Cola can so the foreparts of my little ship were visible jutting out the little triangular opening.

I labeled the plaque for my exhibit:

Three-mast Clipper Ship In Full Sail—constructed by GWPM NCCN.

The judges, reporters and editors just about choked laughing—and I won a blue ribbon.