They Used To Call Them Lucifers

Since I began smoking 50+ years ago I have used large wooden kitchen matches to light my pipe…. Although I do recall once, when I was out of matches in the small hours of the morning, I got down on my hands and knees to light my pipe from the pilot light of a gas water heater.

I own a windproof Nimrod lighter which my son Johnny gave me about 35 yeas ago; I carry it in my pocket at all times in case I want to light up outside on a windy day. But, to me, all lighters make my pipe tobacco taste like lighter fluid, so I prefer wooden matches.

Some wooden matches strike anywhere; others only strike on the side of the box. Problem with the strike anywhere matches is that they strike anywhere. I’ve even had them catch fire in my pocket. The neat thing about strike anywhere matches is that, to show off, I used to snap that white match head with my thumbnail, or on the enamel of my front teeth, or even on the zipper of my pants.

How macho is that?

When I find them, I buy matches in quantity because not all stores carry them anymore. Periodically, I decorate tin Altoids boxes to carry my matches in; usually the decoration has to do with some writing project I’m working on.

Because I’ve been working on a history of the local fire department, my current matchbox features a striker on the bottom, a Currier & Ives fireman on the outside cover, and a young lady in (well, mostly in) a red negligee on the inside cover.

Yesterday, I opened a new case of matches to fill my tin matchbox.

The case label has changed.

No longer am I lighting my pipe with a match.

No, the new label informs me that I am using a Diamond Ignition System.

What nonsense!

What’s wrong with calling a match a match?

For some reason the names of things are no longer the names of things. When I worked as a janitor, I was called a janitor; now the guy doing that same job is called a maintenance engineer.

The word Hero no longer means “ a man distinguished by exceptional courage and nobility and strength… A champion: someone who fights for a cause... a person of great strength and courage celebrated for bold exploits”.

Now tv reporters use the word “Hero” to refer to the a guy who phones for an ambulance at an accident scene.

Words are watered down to become essentially meaningless.

For instance the noun God. A specific name for a specific person has been diluted to mean almost any vague, hazy, fuzzy mist which seems more or less nice.

I’ve even heard preachers speak of “the Christ Event”!

They seem to be talking about a situation when a borderline supernatural entity initiated its transgression adjustment mode.

That supposedly clarifies what the old English Bible means when it says, “God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself”.

Oh well, I’ve been sitting at this computer for a while now. Time to take a break and use a Diamond Ignition System on my pipe.

Maybe that term is not so bad. In 1827 when chemist John Walker first produced usable wooden matches, they called them lucifers.