BTW Countdown

People used to date events according to A.D., a Latin abbreviation meaning year of our Lord, and B.C., meaning Before Christ.

Uncomfortable with the religious elements of that dating system, some non-Christian folks chose to record dates as C.E., meaning Common Era, and B.C.E., meaning Before the Common Era.

We Cowarts now date our lives according to BTW or ATW — Before The Wedding or After The Wedding.

Yes, Eve and Mark’s wedding aboard that cruise ship has become the watershed event on our horizon around which all life revolves. Donald and Helen’s van broke down and they debate whether to get a new one BTW or ATW. Plumbing repairs at our house hinged on having the work done BTW or ATW.

Ginny and I gambled, betting on the skill of the plumber to effect repairs BTW.

We won.

Pat Claydon of Pat’s Plumbing Company, Jacksonville, came out Monday morning and fixed our A.D. 1952 bathroom fixtures in a jiffy.

Mr. Claydon arrived when he said he would. He had all the tools needed. And he knew what he was doing. He quickly got us up and running. The first plumber we called claimed he’d have to smash out tile walls, order parts which would take three weeks to arrive, and that the work would close our bathroom for three days while he repaired things.

Pat fixed everything in about two hours — without breaking a single tile.

We are very pleased. Wish we’d called on Pat first. His number is 786-2121.

I’ve also worried that getting our yard in order stood as another urgent BTW project. I’m proud of our garden and wanted to show it off at its best to wedding guests. That meant a major Spring cleanup BTW.

Not needed.

After innumerable phone calls involving airline schedules, sleeping accommodations, clothing questions, restaurant reservations, and transportation issues, I realized that if I do not chop down the vines on our jungle path, the wedding will not be spoiled. The Bride will not dissolve in tears if I have not leveled the flagstones. Visitors will not turn aghast if the cassia tree is not pruned.

All that garden work can come ATW.

A third project weighed heavily on my mind — proofreading the 500 pages of my diary, the third book in my Dirty Old Man Goes Bad series.

Sneaking odd minutes during Super Bowl commercials and rising extra early in the mornings, working late at night, and neglecting virtually all else…

I got it done!

Thanks be to God.

I added the manuscript to my on-line book catalog yesterday afternoon.

Here’s a photo of the new book’s cover:

Just now, seeing all those old neckties draped over my arm (I use them as plant tiebacks) reminds me that I’ll need to wear a tie to give away the Bride at the wedding. And I realize that I have not actually buttoned the collar button on any shirt in maybe two years (the clothes I’m wearing in the cover photo are normal work attire for a writer).

Can I still button a shirt collar button?

I doubt it.

I’m much fatter now than in my suit-to-the-office wearing days.

I know!

I know what I’ll do!

I remember how to tie an old fashioned Windsor Knot in a necktie; I’ll tie one so large that it will cover the fat gap at my neckline without my having to actually button the collar.

Problem solved.

Who pays any attention to the Bride’s father at a wedding anyhow?

Between pool repair, plumbing, and proofreading and wedding preparations, I’ve neglected prayer — and I’ve become petulant.

Lot of Ps in that sentence; here’s another one:

Jesus performed His first miracle at a wedding.

Had He not done that, He’d have gotten lost in the shuffle.

He has gotten lost in my personal shuffle this week too.

Not to worry.

In ancient days in Greece, if a king’s retinue met a bridal procession in the streets, the king had to give way. This was her day and even kings stood aside.

Jesus understands that sort of thing. He’s a gentleman.

I’ll think about my own spiritual deterioration ATW.