Latest News About My Moose Head, Oscars, Jesus, & A Drowning Lizard.

Breaking News: I did not win the $11,000,000; I do not get a moose head.

In other news:

Ginny may know who the winners were, but I fell asleep in front of the television about six or eight hours into the Oscar show.

I missed all the biggies.

So I don’t know who won what.

The last award I recall was for something called sound mixing or cinematography or something like that and there were four winners but I didn’t catch their names.

Sorry guys. I know you are the best in the world at whatever it is you do, but I can’t honestly say that I even know what cinematography is. Something to do with cameras, I guess.

I do know that there were a lot of low-cut gowns on the stage.

Those, as a keen Oscar observer, I did notice.

But I’m afraid I can’t name the young ladies wearing (mostly) those gowns.

There’s so much I don’t know.

That doesn’t bother me too much.

In 18 months I doubt if anyone reading this blog will be able to name five of the biggest winners without looking names up on-line.

Fame flees.

What ranks as “big news” this morning is a Trivia Pursuit question a few months from now.

Such is the way of the world.

Can you name five of last year’s Nobel Prize winners? How about Pulitzer Prize winners? Such important news escapes us.

Speaking of important news, I read in the newspaper yesterday, before dozing off in front of the tv, that Jesus Christ has appeared in Florida, just south of where I live and that he’s encouraging truly faithful people to get special tattoos on their forearms and give him 40% of their income.

I didn’t know Jesus did that.

But, get this:

Even more bizarre, this morning’s radio news announced that some movie-maker is promoting a film about how archaeologists in Jerusalem are supposed to have uncovered a tomb filled with ossuaries containing the bones of Jesus Christ —along with the bones of his wife, his mother, his brother, and several of his children.

An ossuary is a bone box, often carved out of white limestone. After the meat rotted away, often ancient peoples would gather a dead man’s bones and keep them in such a decorated box.

This startling “new”. discovery is old hat; a Google image search for ossuary brings up over 5,000 pictures.

In fact, archaeologists have discovered about 800 different ossuaries in the Near East over the years.

Jesus knew all about ossuaries.

He compared them with hypocrites:

“Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites!” He said. “For ye are like unto whited sepulchers which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men's bones, and of all uncleanness. Even so ye also outwardly appear righteous unto men, but within ye are full of hypocrisy and iniquity”.

Turns out that this tomb in today’s news was uncovered back in 1980 during the construction of an apartment building but no one paid much attention at the time, in fact they managed to lose one of the ten ossuaries originally uncovered.

But then this guy decided to shoot a made-for-tv movie about the startling “new” discovery which he says will not shake the faith of millions but will generate a few bucks for his film company.

(Although it would make for great box office draw, the movie guy does not claim to have Anna Nicole’s body in his “new” tomb too; her body is still tied up in south Florida courts near where that living Jesus hangs out).

Check your local listings.

I doubt if I’ll bother to watch: No low-cut gowns on starlets promised in that tv special.

Sometimes what passes for “news” wearies me.

All this stuff is old hat.

Where’s the “news” in such events?

Jesus Himself talked about such stuff 2,000 years ago.

“Take heed that no man deceive you,” He said, “For many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; and shall deceive many. And ye shall hear of wars and rumors of wars: see that ye be not troubled: for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet….

“Many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many. And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold….

“If any man shall say unto you, Lo, here is Christ, or there; believe it not. For there shall arise false Christs, and false prophets, and shall show great signs and wonders; insomuch that, if it were possible, they shall deceive the very elect.

“Behold, I have told you before.

“Wherefore if they shall say unto you, ‘Behold, he is in the desert; go not forth. Behold, he is in the secret chambers’; believe it not”.

See what I mean? Jesus knew that “discoveries” and claimants would abound, and He cautioned us not to get confused when they do. Whether such claimants appear in south Florida or Jerusalem or even Hollywood, we are not to be surprised.

When Christ returns, we won’t see it on tv or read about it in the newspaper. No. We will each one be eyewitnesses.

“For as the lightning cometh out of the east, and shineth even unto the west; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be… Then shall appear the sign of the Son of man in heaven: and then shall all the tribes of the earth mourn, and they shall see the Son of man coming in the clouds of heaven with power and great glory”.

Jesus said that no one, not even angels, knows the day or the hour when this will happen. Therefore we are to be ready.

The Bible does not say a great deal about dogs. But in my own mind, I compare the return of Christ with a happy dog. The dog leaps up and shakes and quivers and runs in circles and pees on the floor at the sight of the Owner coming home.

In my mind, that dog is the whole creation which until now watches to hear the Owner’s car in the drive. It will go nuts with joy at His appearing again. This is what we’ve been waiting for all our lives!

We’ll sake off worldly things like a wet dog shaking off rain drops… This is what is commonly referred to as the end of the world…

And good riddance!

Jesus is Back. Boy! O Boy! O Boy! Wow!

Doesn’t matter whether we’re still alive or already dead:

As St. Paul said, “For whether we live, we live unto the Lord; and whether we die, we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore, or die, we are the Lord's. For to this end Christ both died, and rose, and revived, that he might be Lord both of the dead and living”.

In another place Paul said, “For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord”.

See how I come up with my happy dog imagery?

We’ll shake off the soggy things and sticky burrs that mat our fur and leap to meet Him shaking for pure joy.

Well, maybe not everyone.

Some may try to cower and slink away from His bright presence. But the thought of that is unbearable, isn’t it? What a loss. What a tragic loss.

How did I get from falling asleep at the Oscars to our final glorious awakening at the end of the world?

Oh, I remember; I got off on non-news stories about live and dead Christs being found here and there.

I get carried away sometimes.

Now, for the important news of my own day:

I rescued a drowning lizard this morning.

I saw this dumb reptile jump into the water bowl we keep filled on the ground for the raccoons to keep them from tearing apart our garden fountain for a drink.

Once in the bowl the lizard could not climb out because the bowl is porcelain and the sides too slick. He kept flopping back in and swimming around and around the rim — the very picture of a futile life.… (Actually, it was kind of cool to watch him struggle. Kind of like having my own mini-gator right there by my chair).

But, moved by my heart of Christian compassion, I broke off a stick and angled it in from the side of the bowl so he could finally climb out and dry off.

His antics were more fun than watching the Oscars.