The Tyranny Of Affection

I took my friend Barbara to lunch yesterday after she’d attended the funeral of one of her friends at the old folks home.

Although Barbara herself is well up into her 70s and so feeble she needs an aluminum walker to get around, she works with a hospice unit, drives old(er) people to doctors’ appointments, feeds a man who has to be spoon-fed, and visits sick people in her unit.

Her daily hands-on Christianity puts me to shame

None of these activities are unusual; Barbara has done things of this sort for the 25 years I’ve known her. But, of course, only her closest friends know she’s involved in such ministries because she hardly ever mentions this aspect of her life.

As we drove to the restaurant, I asked her about the problem I’d expressed in Tuesday’s blog about having a hard time praying for strangers. I particularly had Reba, the girl who tried suicide, in mind.

“I hardly have time to pray for all the people I know and want to pray for,” Barbara said. “When a request comes to pray for somebody I don’t know, I just say to the Lord, ‘Lord, I don’t know this person or the details of the situation they’re in, but You do. Please do whatever is best for them.’ Then I forget it and move on unless the Lord brings them to mind again”.

I confessed that my own prayers for people I don’t know do not measure up to that standard. I usually pray, “Lord, I neither know nor care diddle-squat about So And So. But (Name) asked me to pray and I said I would, so I’m doing it. Please, bring honor to Your name in So And So’s life. And let (Name) stop bugging me about it”.

I told Barbara about Reba’s suicide attempt and how several folks from Jacksonville jumped in their van and rushed up to North Carolina to see about her. I said that I saw this as a control ploy on her part. Had the friends asked me before getting on the road, I would have advised them not to go.

I may not understand the situation but as I see it, the family was in Florida on vacation when a tiff arose and Reba went back north in a huff. She wanted the others to return too but they stayed.

But, when they learned of her suicide attempt, in a panic of concern and guilt, they piled in the van and drove day and night to get back

By rushing to her bedside offering comfort and consolation, they are rewarding her for attempting suicide.

What will happen the next time they cross her will? How will she manipulate them now that she’s learned a sure-fire button to push to get her own way?

Is their affection and concern for Reba actually a terrible enemy which can do her great and horrible damage?

“Ah, yes,” Barbara said, “The tyranny of affection —I see that often at the home”.

Sometimes, concerned family members put old folks through hellacious bouts of health treatments, procedures that would be considered torture in earlier days, because the family tries to hold on inordinately. Their affection blinds them to the best interests of the patient.

Other times, it’s the old person who uses affection as a weapon of mass destruction to control the behavior of people who love them.

Recognize anybody you know?

I do.

I'll even try twist God’s love to control Him.

Sometimes, I think we all try to play on God’s love for us by the tyranny of affection.

“Lord, if You really loved me, You’d let me win Lotto this week”

“Lord, if You really care, then You’d convert that no-account husband of mine”.

“Lord, I love my grown children, make them stay at home with me”.

“How can You say You love me God, when You let my mother die”?

The tyranny of affection…

We hold it out and expect His love will force the Lord God Almighty, the Creator, the King of the universe, to jump through our hoop.

What’s the matter with Him? He won’t jump at my beck and call? Doesn’t He love me?

Yes God is indeed love…

Real Love.

Love with a spine.