Donald & Helen Wed!!!

Ever see horny squirrels chase eachother in circles around the trunk of a tree oblivious to all else in the universe?

Well then, you have a good idea of how our son’s wedding came off Saturday.

You can see five pages of wedding photos in my Photo Gallery on the blog sidebar or click HERE.

First off, on Friday morning I took Donald out to brunch to give him “The Talk” filled with fatherly advise about women.

But before I could get into it, he dropped a bombshell.

He asked me to conduct the wedding — which was less than 20 hours away.

I’m not a preacher. I have never conducted a wedding before in my life.

An old saying goes, “A Christian must be ready to preach, pray or die at a moment’s notice”.

It doesn’t say anything about performing weddings!

Besides that , Helen had already asked her friend Winkie, an authorized Notary, to conduct the ceremony.

Friday afternoon I called Winkie who graciously allowed me to take part. Since there was to be no rehearsal, we planned our roles over the phone. I was to make the introductory remarks and deliver a brief homily — telling everything anybody needs to know about a happy marriage in less than six minutes.

No problem.

(I’ll tack my speech on to the end of this blog posting).

Going to afterburners, I stayed up all night trying to think of anything intelligent to say. The advantage to giving this kind of speech is that I know no one at all will be paying the slightest bit of attention because their feet hurt from standing during the wedding and they are focused on the Bride and Groom, and they’re all anxious to get this over with and get to the champagne brunch reception.

As I tried to think, the phone went wild. Callers asking about music arrangements. Callers asking directions. A caller concerned about a possible brain tumor. Callers explaining why they could not get to the wedding. Callers asking about decorations. Callers wanting to know what to bring.

No problem — After all Donald and Helen had given us three full days to prepare for their wedding.

And the two squirrels circled the tree oblivious to all else..

The ceremony proved lovely. The girls commandeered a pavilion in a local park without permission. Wellwishers gathered. The music sounded beautiful. Winkie made it all legal. Champagne flowed. Everything all went off without a hitch.

Nervous as could be about making a fool of myself, I gave my pep talk.

Afterwards, I felt so ashamed, shabby and shy that I could hardly stand to be in the reception. I spent that time hiding out in the parking lot too ashamed to be around people. But I doubt if anyone noticed.

The two stars of the show rejoiced with their Dearly Beloved family and friends.

Ginny drove me home and set me down in front of a football game where I slept for ten hours.

And the squirrels circle the tree.

Oh, if anyone is interested, here’s a copy of the talk I gave:

My Six-Minute Wedding Talk
For
Donald & Helen:

Bride, what is his name?

(Helen answered, “Donald”).

There’s something wrong here. According to the card his name is Harry. You mean his name is not Harry?

Groom, What is her name?

(Donald answered, “Helen”).

There’s something really wrong because the card says her name is Hermione Granger.

If you are not Harry Potter, and if you are not Hermione Granger… Then do you two realize what this means?

It means that you are marrying a person who can NOT read your mind!

But that’s OK. Because no one ever marries a mind reader.

That means that if you want her to know what’s on your mind, you have to talk, to use real words.

If you want him to know what’s on your heart, you have to speak, to talk out loud!

We can not expect our partner to read our minds.

Ever.

That just does not happen in the real world.

“But we’re in love. She should anticipate my every whim” he says.

“We are so close that he should know what I want without me saying a word,” she says.

Bull!

Now, we all have certain expectations when we marry.

A man who marries expects Anita Elkberg in the bedroom. (She was Miss Sweden in 1950, my adolescent dream girl). He expects to be married to Dr. Joyce Brothers when he wants to talk. And he expects to find Betty Crocker in the kitchen.

A girl expects to find Fabio in her bedroom. When she wants to talk, she expects to be married to Dr. Phil. She expects Ty Pennington from Extreme Home Makeover to do repairs around the house. —

And she expects her husband to say out of the kitchen altogether.

And, every one of us expects the person we marry to be able to read our minds.

That just does not happen.

We marry real people and live in a real world.

The only way your partner can know what is on your mind and in your heart is to talk, to tell the other one. In words. Out loud.

The only way you can know what is in your partner’s mind is to ask!

The only way to answer when your partner does ask what you are thinking is to answer HONESTLY!

The road toward Hell is lined bumper to bumper with couples who ask, “What’s wrong with you!” and who answer, “Nothing”

Speak your mind.

Ask what’s in your partner’s mind.

Answer honestly.

Do you know why we hate to do this?

Pride.

Our pride makes us want the other person to make the first move.

Bull!

Always make the first move. Always.

You can have a marriage… or you can have your pride… but that’s all you’ll have.

You’ve heard that marriage is a picture of Christ’s relationship to His people.

God does not expect us to be mind readers.

We are to honestly tell Him what’s on our mind — That’s called prayer.

And we are not left to guess what’s in God’s mind; He speaks to us through the Bible. He reveals what He thinks in His Word. We can read the Bible to know the mind of God in everything that we need to know.

What does the Scripture say?

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord…

“Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it…

“So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife, loveth himself…

“For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

“This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

“Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” — Ephesians 6:22-33

You are marring a real person, not a fantasy character.

Helen, he is not Harry Potter. He can not read your mind.

Donald, wonderful as she is, Helen is not Hermione Granger. She can not read your mind.

Therefore, Say what’s in your mind. Ask what’s in her mind. And, when you are asked, answer honestly.

Let us Pray:

Dearest Father, help each one of us here to be real. To live in a real world. To see real people. To find real peace. To solve real problems. … and to serve the real and living Son of God, Jesus Christ, who died for our real sins and rose again from a real tomb… to real and everlasting life. In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost. Amen.