My Life As A Grapefruit

Monday I withdrew a book from my on-line book catalog; I discovered that the text contained two fatal errors.

My friend Wes pointed these out when he took me to breakfast at Dave’s.

This devastating news means that the time and work I put into publishing that book was wasted. The whole project must be dismantled and revamped from scratch to correct the errors. Fortunately, Wes discovered the errors in time for me to pull the book out of the catalog before it could circulate. Whew!

Nevertheless, I’m discouraged.

I did check and double-check but still screwed up with that book. I hate thinking I’ve finished a project only to have to go back and do the whole thing over again.

Futility is my middle name.

This came on a day when I was down in the dumps anyhow.

I feel I’ve spent my whole life pissing against a strong wind.

In spite of my giddy optimist worldview, I often feel useless and wasted.

Remember that series of quotes and sayings I posted Sunday? Here are two to add to it:

“Johnny, you’re as useless as teats on a boar hog” — that’s something I remember my grandfather saying.

The other one comes from a former boss:

“Cowart, you’re not worth the water it would take to flush you down”.

Yes, I have generated a tiny bit of constructive criticism in my day.

Of course, those sayings are nothing compared to what my own mind tells me about myself all the time.

So, in the light of many such strokes to self-esteem, why do I dare feel loved and valued by God? What makes me think that the Lord cares about me?

It sure ain’t cause I’m a teddy bear.

Yet the Scripture says, “The love of God is shown toward us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us”.

He did not suffer, die, and rise to life again for successful, wealthy, beautiful people only.

“Whosoever will may come”.

When I look at my failures in the light of His love, even then I question my value. I wonder, if I’m a Christian, then why do I still get bitter, discouraged, angry, grouchy, envious, etc. Why am I so attracted to pornography? Why do I still sin every time I get a chance? Why am I a sneak, a cheat, a lair, a hypocrite?

Shouldn’t having Christ as my Lord make some visible, evident difference?

Like say, if I were to loose a hundred fifty pounds then shouldn’t folks mistake me for Mother Teresa?

That’s not too likely.

I remember that once a missionary told me that a Christian’s life can be viewed as a grapefruit.

Yes, a full-grown, mature, ripe grapefruit is perfect, sweet, colorful, delicious — but a baby grapefruit is also perfect. Even though it’s the size of your thumbnail, hard as a hickory nut, bitter as bile — yet it is still a perfect grapefruit.

I am a baby grapefruit Christian — petty, hard, bitter, sour — yet accepted in the beloved. Perfect, at least in potential. No fatal errors. Just forgiven. Just as I am.