My Worry Du Jour

The good news is that using the techniques Donald taught me Monday, I edited close to a hundred pages of Dirty Old Man Goes Bad yesterday. That book is really progressing well.

On the other hand, Ginny’s boss called an All Staff Meeting to announce that, out of 105 people working in her office, 20 will loose their jobs next month.

Ginny may be one of them.

Since she earns much more than I do, I react to this news on two levels:

The first naturally is “Oh Damn!”

The second is “Well, the Lord has brought us through periods of poverty before so I imagine He will do it again”.

It is relatively easy to have faith about doctrines when you have gas in the tank, food in the frig and the rent’s paid. When things go well, then you can believe in the parting of the Red Sea, Daniel in the kitty litter box, the raising of Lazarus, the communion of saints, and the life of the world to come.

But, trusting God for the here and now, relying on Him to feed you and clothe you in real time … that can get hard.

Why is it easier for me to trust Jesus for my soul’s eternal salvation than it is to trust Him for gas money today?

Believing that God cared for and provided for people in the historic past is one thing, believing that He is sufficient for my own prescription coverage, my car repairs, my bus fare, my credit card bill, my pipe tobacco, my every day expenses – those things are not theological doctrines but everyday life…

A life of faith.

I thought I lived a life of faith, but now I wonder.

It’s been a long time since we’ve had to pray for daily bread daily, and we have never lacked, but – don’t tell the preachers this – living by faith is not what it’s cracked up to be.

Susannah Wesley, a woman of great faith whose sons founded the Methodist movement, lived most of her life in grueling poverty. In her old age she said, “I never did want for bread. But then, I had so much care to get it before it was eaten, and to pay for it after, it has often made it very unpleasant to me. And I think to have bread on such terms is the next degree of wretchedness to having none at all”.

OK, if Ginny looses her job, we’ll face some quality of life scaledowns, If other people there loose their jobs, it might even be tougher on them. At least in the past we’ve had more than a nodding acquaintance with Dame Poverty. We’re experienced.

And, who knows the times or tides in the affairs of men?

The lay-offs may not touch us at all. I may be foreseeing a trouble which never comes.

I often do.

But the prospects, the being off balance, that feeling of walking on eggs, and the unsettled atmosphere in which you dare not make plans beyond today … well, all that’s real.

Uncertainty is life’s reality.

And it’s a reality – even though we seldom admit it -- we all live with every hour of every day. But when we have “job security” we tend to loose sight of that reality and live in a mist world where we think all things are solid.

Sometimes, I think God has to shake my tree. Otherwise I’d sling a hammock, lounge with a book in my lap and a tall glass of iced tea in my hand. I’d get to acting as though this world is a permanent home instead of a staging area for eternity. So now and then God shakes my tree just to bring me to the reality of impermanence.

But I don’t like that.

I don’t like it at all.

I was quite comfortable doing exactly what I’ve been doing, thank you..

Still, a Scripture spoken by the prophet Habakkuk comes to my mind:

Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
Though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
Though there be no sheep in the fold,
and no cattle in the stalls –
Yet will I rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
The Sovereign Lord is my strength.

Sounds nice, but I worry anyhow.