A Crisis of Belief & An Old Temptation

Monday night Ginny chipped a tooth as she brushed her denture.

Tuesday she visited the dentist for repairs. This afternoon, she can pick up the repaired bridge with a new tooth installed.

This makes me think about the Tooth Fairy, God, and Santa Clause.

Every year parents struggle with the question of what to tell their kids about Santa: is he real or ain’t he real.

When our kids were little, we never had that problem. From the start we told our kids that Santa was a legend that we pretended was real because it was so much fun. So, as far as I know, there was no crisis of belief when the kid questions whether the parents have been lying about everything previously believed.

I rather suspect that the root of most religious skepticism lies not in intellectual process but in disappointment. Yes, I spent much of my youth in the atheist/agnostic camp. And the roots of my own skepticism lay in my finding out the truth about Santa. I remember thinking, “If Santa is not real, then God must not be real either; they’ve been lying to me all along”.

So I taught my kids that Santa is an old legend which we pretend is real because it’s so much fun.

I think they believed me.

On the other hand, they refused to believe what I tried to teach them about the Tooth Fairy.

I told them that when you loose a tooth, if you will put it and a quarter under your pillow, then in the morning both will be gone because the Tooth Fairy charges a quarter toll to haul old tooth away and cause a new tooth to grow.

I collected a lot of quarters till other kids corrupted their minds with false doctrine.

I like my version of the Tooth Fairy story up until now.

Ginny finds that to replace her missing tooth will cost us $106!

Maybe I should convert to the kids’ idea that the Tooth Fairy is the one who pays.

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On a more serious note, I’m again being tempted to browse internet porn sites. I keep thinking of young women wearing santa hats and red skimpies; they’d make such a festive screensaver for my computer.

But, so far, I’m sticking with images of snowmen, decorated trees and such.

Nevertheless, I’m tempted.

Why is it that at a time when we celebrate the coming of God into the world, that I feel the holiday gives me some sort of license for self-indulgence?

I over eat, justifying my gluttony because it’s Christmas. I spend money I don’t have justifying the budget breaking because it’s Christmas. The other day I found myself standing in front of the wine section in the grocery story thinking about buying liquor when at any other time of the year I wouldn’t even notice the shiny bottles.

My Aunt Hazel, God rest her, once commented on something I said by observing, “John, you were born an old man”.

I suppose she was right.

That’s the story of my life – A Dirty Old Man Goes Bad.

Anyhow, the temptation to look at pictures of naked women has been a constant with me for most of my life and here approaching Christmas it’s particularly strong.

I haven’t indulged it recently – not because I’m strong-willed, Christ-centered, and virtuous -- but because I’ve been too damn busy to take the time.

But anyhow, for what it's worth, that’s where I am today.